On my healing journey, I would experience discomfort, make what I believed to be a major shift, and then reach a plateau of comfort. Each level of discomfort has grown more intense and pervasive. Here are some of those shifts:
Early Lessons in Pain and Resilience
Growing up in an abusive environment, I repressed my feelings, leading to deep anxiety. My father’s rage and my sisters’ unkindness shaped my early years. After high school, I had my first spiritual awakening, realizing I didn’t like who I had become. I committed to self-improvement, seeking therapy and exploring spirituality, though distrust kept me from fully embracing a tradition.
The Illusion of Success in My 20s
With no nurturing or role models, I built confidence through career success. By 30, I had achieved wealth, power, and status. Yet, despite my luxurious lifestyle, I felt empty. A chance encounter with an intuitive at a conference led me to Sedona, where I sought deeper meaning. For a year, I balanced material abundance with spiritual exploration, but financial insecurity in the spiritual community unsettled me. Meanwhile, my father and sister disowned me over irrational conflicts, deepening my wounds.
Letting Go of the Corporate World in My Early 30s
Returning to San Diego for work, I climbed higher in my career but burned out from the relentless pace. Unable to quit outright, I sabotaged myself and was fired—a subconscious relief. Seeking purpose, I trained as a tour guide, leading luxury trips in Europe. Ironically, I earned as much as before with far fewer expenses. However, betrayal struck when my best friend stole my identity and disappeared, leaving me heartbroken.
Ignoring My Truth in My Mid-to-Late 30s
The call to motherhood led me to marry a younger man I hoped would fill my void. Despite my health, I couldn’t conceive, and my marriage, built on illusion, crumbled. Asking for a divorce felt like failure, plunging me into depression.
Embracing Solitude in My 40s
Post-divorce and drained from legal battles for my father’s care, I returned to Sedona with my beloved pit bull. I found work and stability but embraced celibacy after early romantic disappointments. The solitude lasted years—sometimes welcomed, sometimes resented. Volunteering and travel revealed that my isolation was tied to Sedona, not myself. When my dog passed in 2021, I sold everything and committed to a healing journey.
The Meaning Behind It All: How I Make Peace With My Past
Instead of running from pain, I leaned in. The last four years have brought more growth than the decades before. Facing my wounds, patterns, and shadows took deep contemplation and courage. My past—family trauma, success and loss, loneliness—has led me to compassion and my role as a healer. Life’s challenges have deepened my wisdom and resilience. Had I remained comfortable, I might never have reached this place. Making Peace With My Past was integral to my healing journey. With it comes forgiveness, accountability, gratitude, and freedom. Need support to lighten your load? Book a free Discovery Session to learn more.
Thank you to all my teachers.
Inspired by the #PeaceWithMyPast assignment
